It is a Journey.
Broken. Shattered. Decimated.
I look at the ruins around me and the lie says it can’t be put back together. The things that have hurt and harmed have done damage that is unrepairable.
I mean, I stand in the mirror a 47 year old woman who still has abandonment wounds. Rejection wounds. And hits continue to come.
I’m tired. I have put so much of my darkness into the light and somehow the enemy keeps coming. Part of me just wants to give in. Believe the lies. Believe that I am the problem. That I am the common factor. That I am worth only the things that happen to me…
And I type this right now, knowing that I have spent parts of my day weeping in grief, believing that this is my lot…sitting with the things the enemy wants me to drown in.
But the Truth says different. It says that healing is possible. It says His plans are good and that beauty rises out the ashes. Every trauma, trial, suffering has to have a lesson, has to be for refinement, has to be for growth…has to be to help others..
IT HAS TO.
I think my biggest wrestle in all this is trying to make it make sense. To wrap my head around the things that happen with the fact that free will is free will and it isn’t my fault the people did things to me. That my responsibility now is what I do with it all.
As I work through all of the things, I want it to be the kind of repair and healing that stays. That cannot be re-broken. That even in the decimation of things, that it can all be put back together. Because He is God that can do the impossible.
Some days it all feels impossible. That the things of the past will always be in the present. That the things that happen in the day to day will imped the things that are being repaired.
That I won’t be able to stand in the Truth of who He says I am.
The first thing I did when I started to type today was look at how long it had been since the last. I had to walk through an immediate lie to get myself to start typing.
So here I am. In the middle of a lot of things.
Trying to fix my broken so it can never be shattered again.
So I can stand in the light of the Truth and fight for those who come after me.
So my testimony makes the enemy tremble.
So I can look in the mirror and see the person I always should have seen.
